React vs Respond: What's the difference?

Someone says something to you that elicits an uncomfortable feeling. Maybe it’s fear or anger or sadness. Maybe it’s a sense of unfairness or of being silenced. Chances are you will react out of these feelings by throwing back a mean phrase, by raising your voice, or even by shutting down. When this happens, you can be sure the comment activated the wounded little one that resides within.

Adults respond. Children react. 

You have an inner child. I have an inner child. We all do. Your “inner child” is a part of yoursubconscious that has been picking up messages way before it was able to fully process what was going on (mentally and emotionally). It holds emotions, memories and beliefs from the past as well as hopes and dreams for the future.

Being Human 101 follows this simplistic paradigm: we are born whole, we are wounded as young people, we spend our adolescence (sometimes to the age of 28) reacting out of those emotional wounds, we accept responsibility for our own (re)actions somewhere in our 30’s, 40s, and 50s, we heal and become whole again. This is not an exact science so don’t quote me on the numbers 🙄.

Like any small child in distress, our adult self can choose to attend to her needs, validate her feelings, and protect her from future emotional harm. This is called reparenting our inner child. 

Try this:

Find an old photo of yourself as a child or teen. A photo that elicits strong feelings. Take some time to gaze at your younger self. Remember what it felt like to be her at that time in your life. And then free write about it for at least 10 minutes.